I have to admit I was a nervous wreck after my first blog post. I was afraid of what people might think, especially my family. I have never shared anything so personal about my life to anyone, much less to potentially thousands of people online.
I’m so used to keeping things to myself that I can be a loner even to my own family. And being vulnerable is not something I’m comfortable with. Thankfully, everyone’s reactions have been positive. Most importantly, I have amazing family and friends in my life who love and support me.
The hard part of putting myself out there is over. I feel like a huge weight I’ve carried for the past fourteen years has been lifted. It has become easier to talk about loss even if I still get teared up and emotional. I’m not so sure those feelings will ever go away.
Perhaps some of you who are reading this are grieving right now. All I can tell you is that whatever you’re feeling is normal. There will be good and bad days. Maybe you’re not ready to talk about it. That’s ok. But if you need to cry, go ahead and cry. If you need to scream, go ahead and scream. Do it privately if you must. Just let it out.
Grief is a long process and you just don’t get over it in six months, a year or twenty years. Some may suggest that you should “get over it” within a certain time. They just have no idea or wish to avoid dealing with an uncomfortable issue. I’m still not over it. The wound is not raw anymore but the scar will always be there.
Honestly, it took me eight years to make peace with my mom’s death. Those first few years were filled with sadness and a lot of anger. I was angry at God and angry at people around me going about their life as usual. Depression kicked in too. And as I mentioned in my first post, I basically lived a life without meaning.
It will take some time to work through your grief. Everyone has a different timetable so take as much time as you need.
Be patient and kind to yourself. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing you’re not alone.